Show Up + Everything Else Will Take Care of Itself

Last week a group of women and I got together every morning at 6am. The theme of the week was Feed Your Self and was meant to connect women back to their bodies so they are able to naturally feel better about themselves, their bodies, and the food that they eat. 

Early mornings are such a powerful time to not only awaken but to intentionally come together to create changes in our lives. This particularly cold and dark week kept many others in bed - the streets were silent and the rawness of the early morning held an eerie and quiet crispness. It felt so secretive. The world was not yet buzzing with so many minds in a deep sleep. 

Anyone who was awake at that time had a reason to be. 

Eleven women from around the city - walked, cycled and drove to the City Studio and arrived at the side door of the building - eyes still heavy with lingering sleepiness and greeted me with a slow and quiet "g'morn...". 

The cold, darkness outside challenged each of us to stay in bed longer. "Just sleep in," "No one will notice you're not there," but most days our souls won the inner battle and brought us all together. 

What does it mean to show up? This was one of my many lessons through the process of creating and leading the week for these women. Showing up for me meant not cancelling a program at last minute for fear of it not meeting expectations. Showing up for me meant 4:30am alarms (either from my baby or the clock beside me). Showing up meant taking care of myself throughout the day - napping when I needed to and declining tea dates. Showing up meant being vulnerable; sharing my experience of struggles with food and life in a way I hadn't in the past. Showing up meant trusting the power of simply holding space. It meant to listen and to realize that this both is and isn't about me. 

It was all about connection to ourselves and each other. 

When we wake up before the sun, we make a strong statement to ourselves and the universe. We are saying: Yup, all I want to do is sleep right now. But what I want more is to feel good in my body and in my life. I am willing to care of myself and my body to heal areas of my life that are not working. I want to clean up my energy and my vibration so I can feel more free throughout the day. I want to connect to my soul and my feelings so I can make more confident decisions in my life and in every moment. I am willing to by-pass the negative comments inside my head and do what I know is best for me. 

In my experience, and as a reminder in what I saw this week, the universe responds to those efforts. Many women began to have more energy throughout the day. They experienced a sense of clarity and groundedness they felt was missing. They benefited from listening to and connecting with the other women in the circle. They began to unravel patterns and developed a stronger appreciation for themselves and their bodies. 

'Showing up' might not mean a 6am wake up for everyone, but asking the question, 'What does it mean for me to show up?', 'What would that look like?', 'How might showing up change the way I live?', 'What would change around me if I showed up?'

Sometimes a small act of showing up can expand in powerful ways. 

xoSus

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Opera Man

I made up a story about an old man who walks Vancouver’s streets. If you live here, you may have seen him before. He strolls down the street and sings opera at the top of his lungs. He’s actually really good. I mean, I know nothing about opera, but it sounds good to me.

It seems strange, right? This older man, hands in his pocket, walking along like a regular guy except that he sings. Out loud. Like, really loud. If you didn’t know about him, you would pop your head out the window and wonder what is going on. You’d turn your head left and right and then realize that sound is coming from this little man. 

Okay so what’s the story? Hear me out. It's quite elaborate. Heartwarming.

As a little Italian boy, this guy (I haven't made up a name) loved to sing. He sang all the time. People thought it was cute and it wasn’t bothering anyone. Some people listened but most didn’t pay too much attention. He sang because he just loved to sing. It was so natural and felt so good to him.

But then he got older and he realized no one else sang like he did. Other kids started to make fun of him. The looks he got from people made him think there was something wrong with him. So he stopped.

Whenever the urge came to sing, he pushed it aside and become like everyone else he knew who didn’t sing. Even in choir-like settings when his voice would bellow over everyone else’s, he made it quieter. It was hard but he could do it.

His parents moved their family to Vancouver, where they found work and a small home. As the little Italian boy grew older, he forgot about his voice. But he also felt a strange and persistent sadness that grew within him. He always felt caged and eventually he became depressed. What was wrong with him? Nobody knew. They tried different medications, various doctors, but sadness became his prominent emotion.

One day he walked past a school yard where little kids were signing. He was hit with something he hadn’t felt before. His heart fluttered and for the first time in a long time he felt a sense of excitement. Before he knew it, his voice moved through him into a song he didn’t even know. But it just felt so good he couldn’t stop. He walked home and sang the entire way. He didn’t care about the looks he got, he actually didn’t even notice. He felt alive and so free. He finally felt good. 

He was given a gift that was meant to be expressed. When he hid and suppressed it, he became depressed. And so now, every opportunity he gets, he is out there strolling the streets, singing at the top of his lungs, not for anybody else but himself. 

The End. 

Moral of the story: Discover, express and/or share your gifts. You're life will be better for it. 

PS - I just did some quick research:

Opera Man has been singing here for as long as I've lived in the lower mainland - which is a very long time. Nearly 20 years i can recall him singing around different neighbourhoods. He used to be more in East Van back about 20 years ago, but he tends to walk 2-4 km per night often in circles. He is more focused on the west side now.

He is friendly if you do not interrupt him. Also - do not interrupt him.

Haha, noted! This even supports my story :)

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Dirt Real

Hello again. It has been a while since I have written. For many reasons. The main one being that a tiny little girl has come into my life and I felt that it was time to step back from writing. I knew change was coming in many ways and that a retreat from blogging would be a good thing. 

It was.

Having our daughter come into my life has connected me back to who I am and what is important to me. She has enriched my life far more than I ever expected.

This experience has also clarified to me how I want to show up. In life. In my work. In my relationships. With my thoughts. With time. 

What is becoming clear is that I am committing to showing up from inside out. I am letting my inner guidance lead the way so I can show up incredibly authentic and so very true. 

I want to be real. Even more real than before. I wanna be dirt real. 

It is much easier to take the classic 'just follow the norm' route, riding bumper to bumper with everyone else than it is to show up raw and real. Raw and real is the hard route...scenic, windy, full of hills and valleys. Thunderstorms and tornadoes. Monsoons. That's the dirt real route. 

It is time to be fully me - not just when I am in the safety and cozy comfort of my home, but everywhere I go. 

I believe that when we travel to those unknown and sometimes scary places, we are also able to fully revel in those breathtaking moments. So yes it can be ugly but it is the one that to me feels most free.

This route has no map. It is not led by those who have gone before. It is me in tall grass, creating my own path. My feelings are my compass. I'm not even going to get all sassy about this and use a machete to hack my way. This is a barefooted exploration, using my hands to separate the grass as I carefully trod my way over each stone.

I am listening for the actions, words, feelings, thoughts that are with integrity. The ones that radiate that grounded, real, this-is-who-I-am vibe. I'm gonna follow that. 

Like any journey, there will be trips and falls, maybe a couple of broken bones and many confusing moments. But with time (maybe a lifetime), there will be clarity in my voice, depth in my heart and an unwavering sense of knowing. 

That means I might write again tomorrow. I might write again next week. I might never write again. But this is my intention. To be so TRUE. For all my work to come from inside out. To navigate through the murky I don't knows so I can stand so tall in the I KNOW THIS FOR SURE!! 

xoSus

Raw Chocolate Banana Pie & Reflexology

Another weekend behind and no babe. Apparently there are things 
you can do to speed along the process - squats, spicy foods, 
acupuncture, reflexology, the list goes on. I am a little hesitant to 
speed things along because in truth, I am soaking up these 'calm 
before the storm' moments/days. 

Yesterday, however, Sam and I went for reflexology - Golden 
Feet on Broadway and Cambie is da bomb, you guys should go! 

I had been once before but Sam was not sure what to expect. He 
happened to get a pretty aggressive dude who pressed relentlessly 
on his tender spots. Sam's ego was crumbling right before my eyes,
it was entertaining to watch as I soaked up my gentle foot massage :)

Reflexology is really cool, people. Check out this chart below. 
It can be insightful to learn what parts of your body are out of balance. 
And if you already know, you will definitely know by how tender these 
points are in your feet. Pressing on these points can also support your 
body in healing specific areas. 

Apparently, the more you do it, the better health you will be. 
Sure, I am gullible and am also aware that businesses thrive 
off that statement, but I totally believe it. 100%.

Does anyone else think it's weird that I'm writing about feet 
and pie in the same blog?

Well, never mind, you want a piece of this pie or what? You gotta make it 
yourself and you wont regret it, not for a moment. 

This recipe, I made up on my own. Yup, all by myself! Somebody,
give me a sticker shaped as a star. Ok truthfully, it has been adapted from 
about 10 recipes I googled. Does that still get the sticker? C'mon.

Raw Chocolate Banana Pie

The Crust

• 2 cups nut meal (I used walnuts)
• 1 cup pitted dates (medjool prob works best, but I used pitted dates soaked in boiled water for 10min)
• 1/4 tsp sea salt
• Blend together in a food processor and press into a 9" pie plate

The Chocolate

• 2 very ripe avocados
• 1 very ripe banana
• 1/4 cup maple syrup
• 3/4 cup carob powder
• 4 tbsp cacao powder
• 1 tbsp vanilla
• 1.5 tbsp coconut oil
• Blend all these together in a food processor until you get an ultra smooth consistency. Pour over the crust and spread evenly with a spatula.

La Fin

• Slice a second banana and place them side by side around the edge of the pie - pretty!
• Put the pie in the freezer for a few hours or overnight. 
• Serve frozen - so so good!
• That is all, goodbye!

xoSus

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Inner Strength vs Willpower

“Real strength is not a condition of ones muscle,

but a tenderness in ones spirit” - Mcallister Dodds

There can be a misconception about the type of strength we need in yoga. Beginners often assume that we access all our strength from our muscles - purely from the capabilities of our physical body. But even when muscular people come to yoga, their strength does not always match their appearance. 

Although physical strength is important in order to access certain poses, we also begin to see that there is a lot more that is required from us than only our muscular output. There is a strength which resides much deeper inside us that we need to call on. When we access that strength and rely on that more than our muscles, our whole experience of yoga changes. Physically it becomes a little easier, a little more rewarding and we build a better relationship with ourselves and our own capabilities. 

Patience, compassion, humility and trust are all qualities we need in yoga and life. They are also all qualities that our superficial muscles would never be able to provide. If we only relied on their strength, we would only be asking of a portion of ourselves. We would have to work harder and use more of their resources than we need to.  Without the qualities mentioned above, this becomes an unsustainable not to mention depleting experience. 

We can apply this exact same concept to our eating and health. Think of willpower as our muscles. It is a superficial and often temporary form of strength. We can use it and rely on it for a period of time, but eventually all that controlling of what we eat becomes too tiring to sustain.  

If we think we need more and more willpower to control ourselves into eating the right foods, we lose the essence of that inner part of ourselves which is already guiding to keep us healthy in the first place. We are covering up a strength that is already there. And so rather than covering up our inner strength with willpower it may be more beneficial to get to know and settle into the true strength which is always guiding us towards well-being.

It can be a challenging concept to grasp, and especially for those who have relied on willpower for so long, its sounds like an impossible task. But just as there are challenging poses in yoga we work to get there one day, class, breath at a time. With so much patience and so much compassion and so much trust, one day we may suddenly find ourselves in that pose or state of heath we always desired.